Where do mathematicians like to party? In bar graphs… Did you hear the one about the statistician. Probably… What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race? 2 Fast 4 U. How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor… How do you make seven an even number? Just remove the “s.” Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross… Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil… #39 – 30. What’s the best place to do math homework? On a multiplication table… Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school? They required an orientation… How come old math teachers never die? They tend to just lose some of their functions… Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? Because it was over 90 degrees… Why does algebra make you a better dancer? Because you can use algo-rhythm… The philosopher can do without the trash bin. What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Because they’ll never meet… Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again.” How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professor’s voice-mail? The message is: “The number you have dialed is imaginary. How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb? One-she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved… Who invented the Round Table? Sir Cumference… #49 – 40. What do you call a number that just can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral… What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm… Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you? It’s really as easy as pi… Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents… Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party? Just cos… What did one math book say to the other? Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems! Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots… How can you tell if a mathematician is extroverted? When he talks to you, he looks at YOUR shoes instead of his own… Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square… #59 – 50. Where’s the only place you can buy 64 watermelons and nobody wonders why? In an elementary school math class…
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 300. Why did the 30-60-90 degree triangle marry the 45-45-90 degree triangle? Because they were right for each other… What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife? A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.
What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! #66. A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold.
In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs? They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7…
What does the little mermaid wear? An Algebra What’s the contour integral around Western Europe? Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe! #69 – 60.
#CUTE CALCULUS JOKES MOVIE#
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie? 3.14 How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia? They make you an offer that you can’t understand. My girlfriend is the square root of -100. She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary… My best jokes have actually deepened my student’s understanding of the curriculum.#73. At first, I started telling jokes to my students to build community, but over time, these puns offered so much more than comedic relief in our stressful days. Giggles can really lighten the mood and brighten the vibe in your schools. And so Math Joke Mondays and Funny Fridays were born in my classes. Most days, you have to laugh to keep from crying. It was a job I saw my mother manage while tending to three kids and a husband. In fact, if I’m being totally honest, it was my safe job. As I briefly look back on the last decade of my teaching career, I look ahead and think how on earth will I keep up? If I’m being completely transparent, teaching was not my first-choice profession. Happy New Year! After a long 2020 and an even longer 2021, I am thrilled to have made it here to 2022.
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